A couple weeks ago I fell of a not-so-metaphorical horse... When trail riding with auntie D. I accidentally backed my horse up into hers. In my defence: nobody explained the 'reversing procedure' to me. Also, I’m still convinced the brakes on mine weren't properly working. Her horse is a Brumby (yup, the original wild horse!) who responded not-so-lovingly with a kick. The kick made my horse buck and throw me off. It all happened incredibly fast and before I realised, I was on the ground. In my recollection my fall looked something like the crossover between an Indiana Jones mid-air-action roll and a graceful ballerina landing, but the bruised shoulder, pounding head and (later diagnosed) whiplash say otherwise. Despite bravely getting back on the horse shortly after and riding her back to the stable, I must admit it was a bit of a scare.
It got me thinking on my fears and in particular: the fears around Man’s deployment and specifically his return. There is no fear of Man being in harm’s way as he is in a geographical location that is relatively safe. But I am a bit scared about his return and our 'life post deployment'. It is fun and easy to talk about how much we miss each other and about all the amazing things we look forward to upon return, particularly the little things that are otherwise taken for granted: sharing a meal, walking the dog together, being able to spontaneously hug each other. But at the same time there are some fears (not beliefs, simply fears): what if it will be hard to reintegrate? What if he doesn't ''fit'' well into this new life and rhythm I have created for myself? What if we both become too tame and domesticated again? What if we bicker too much? We know from military friends with deployment experience that it is quite normal to have to 'get used to each other again' and that this often comes with bickering. All part of the ‘’sweet’’ deal that is deployment. That doesn't mean it is not a bit scary though. I believe it is important to keep it real and not just to look forward to/expect rose petals, moonlight and rainbow-pooing unicorns upon return. Military life is challenging. Rewarding, but so challenging. Whatever the return may bring us, I look forward to learning to set our wild horses free together as best we can.
Until next time, stay safe & let your wild horse roam free!