A.ka. ''the rollercoaster continues''
It has been 7.5 months since Man wrote a guest blog after his deployment. It has been 7 months since he safely returned to me - where has the time gone?!
A post on the reunion/reintegration and subsequent adventures is long overdue.
I wish I could say it has been a smooth ride - you know, one of those calm boat rides in a theme park where you pass pretty things on the way and just sit and chill. But it has been more like a roller coaster. One of those intense ones that shoot you up with terrifying speeds followed by loads of deep, steep drops. We were warned about the challenges that come with reintegration, but I don't think we fully understood what difficulties were awaiting us. Reintegration proved extra difficult as we had both undergone big changes during our half year of separation. I had a real shift in my norms and values, and went fully plant-based. I ended up 'veganising' the whole household. This meant that Man came home to a house that, in some ways, no longer felt like home. As well as a partner who, in some ways, did not seem all that familiar anymore. And after six months in a shoe box-sized room on a base in the Middle East, familiarity is all you crave. Man himself had changed too. Way more focused on work, shifted priorities and was in some ways more closed-off/less communicative. A deployment changes people, there is simply no escaping that...
The Australian Defence Force was kind and smart enough to produce a booklet on 'homecoming after deployment'. I say smart, as it helps them save on legal costs (the more military members stay with their respective partners, the less divorce lawyers the ADF has to pay for). This booklet was actually incredibly valuable and insightful. Unfortunately though, Man being Man, his unpack bags decorated the floor of our study for days after the homecoming so said booklet did not get dug up until a week or so later (the ADF would do well giving the booklet to families via post prior to or during the deployment). By that time, we were already a week into near constant arguments over seemingly very unimportant things. The booklet reassured us though that this is fully normal. That the percentage of couples that go through a honeymoon phase post deployment is significantly smaller. Most couples have a hard time recalibrating, learning to communicate again and dividing the household (Man did not have to clean, do dishes, cook etc for half a year - so that was not a smooth transition). There were interviews with couples that described issues very similar to what we were going through. Phew! What a relief! We were normal after all. The booklet went on to give some great tips, one of those being: plan a (short) holiday as soon as possible after your homecoming, to properly get used to each other again in a setting where you are not distracted by household chores or family responsibilities. Now that sounded like an excellent plan to us! A few days later we were in a lavish 5 star resort doing absolutely nothing but swimming, sleeping, reading, eating multiple course dinners, drinking delicious cocktails and just enjoying quality time together. Suddenly, the irritations melted away and the love and fun resurfaced. Big time.
Now, I would be lying if I said it has all been smooth sailing since then. We still had big and small ups and downs but are overall very happy in each other's company. We are perfectly imperfect, but perfect for one another. I think it is important though to honestly share the difficulties that military life brings to couples. To stay with the theme park metaphors: sometimes it is just a very bumpy ride... This year we are looking at another - all added up - four months or so of separation. The pandemic adds extra time due to mandatory hotel quarantine. At the moment Man has just left for another five weeks. I miss him, but am very happy to be missing him. At the end of the day it is worth riding this rollercoaster. Though I wouldn't mind if in 2021 it was one a bit more like this:
Stay tuned for more frequent posts this year ;) Love, Mipa