A.k.a. The pressure is on….
Oh my god! He is finally coming home! How is it that the first week after they leave, and the last week before they come back, seem to somehow go much slower than any regular week? I am not a quantum physicist but there must be some sort of alternate time line that applies to deployments/training periods…. I am over the moon about his return, but it also means that the (self-imposed) pressure is on! Funny, whereas I normally don’t consider myself the ”domestic goddess type”, prior to the homecoming I suddenly get strong baking and cleaning urges…
So much to do: shave legs (which is about a one hour job because I definitely rock the yeti look when Man is gone), clean house, bake muffins, fill fridge, wash dog, do laundry, be perfect. That last item on the list unfortunately does creep up often prior to a homecoming. Highly annoying but not surprising, as it is not more than logical that after a long time apart you wish to present your best self to your partner. Paradoxically enough, perfectionism and people-pleasing tend to lead to self-centredness. It is practically impossible to be mindful, grateful and present for your partner when you are incredibly focused on the script playing out exactly as you wrote it. But life is not a movie, and homecomings aren’t always sweet and romantic. Sometimes they involve waiting around on the base for an extra two hours before the plane lands. Sometimes they involve an exhausted partner who is more interested in sleep than in your perfectly made up cheese platter. Sometimes they involve jumping into your lover’s arms when he arrives at the apartment and locking yourself out, spending the first couple hours after homecoming standing in a hallway waiting for the locksmith*. Sometimes they involve being so upset about things not going according to plan, that you miss the simple – and most important – joy of just being together again….
So, I did you the favour of writing a to-do and and a not-to-do list so you don’t have to make the same mistakes 😉
The Not-to-do List:
Perfectionism
Not savouring every moment
Getting so stressed for a homecoming that you put hairspray under your armpits and deodorant in your hair
Doing a last-minute yoga class to relax but then end up spending the whole hour holding in a fart (seriously, when you’re that stressed, skip the yoga and just go for chamomile tea, or a double whisky)
Not accepting that things don’t always go as you had planned them
Leaving all chores (cleaning, laundry, cooking, groceries, dog etc) to the last day
The To-do List:
Enjoy!
Be grateful that you are together again, that is all that matters
Don’t plan too much – Man is often tired after a long day of travel, so a cuddle on the couch and an early night is often the way to go (after some sexy time of course, tired or not, you are probably not going to want to skip out on that 😉 )
Remind yourself that your partner loves you, even if you forgot to wax your moustache or if there is a dust spec (or two, or three, or fifty) floating around in the house still – you’ve been doing it all on your own for a while now and that shit is tough!
Play restaurant at home: get some fancy table wears (from firsthand experience: Kmart stuff can look very fancy), order some take-away or cook something nice (they day beforehand preferably – see ‘not-to-do list: leave all chores for the last day)
Take a page from the Beatles book and ”Let it be”
* this hilarious (well – hilarious now, not at the time) story happened to dear friends of ours, another military couple – thanks for sharing the story A 😉