A.k.a. What sucks & what sucks a little less
Reading time: 4 minutes, or the time it takes you to finish a cup of tea Reading instructions: go boil the kettle, pour a tea – optional: spike with rum
I am on a hotel bed in the Intercontinental in Wellington. They have an actual pillow menu, would you believe it?! Lavender pillows are the shit! But I am derailing… I am here on a short business trip, only a few days after Man and I decided it would be a good idea for him to accept a job offer from the Australian Air Force and turn our lives upside down. I realise I have months of processing and some really tough times ahead of me. I still have some doubts on my mind: are we really doing the right thing? Should I have given my blessing for this?
Luckily I absolutely love list-making, and what better way to battle doubts and fears than by creating pros and cons lists? So I get out a bunch of post-its and pens (free stuff, yay hotels), grab a bottle of wine from the mini bar (way overpriced, booh hotels) and start listing the pros and cons of not being together during his initial year of training and future deployments:
PROS:
No more shaving legs daily – massive $ save on razors;
Having space to sleep diagonally in our king-size bed;
Going to the toilet with the door open – such freedom;
Cooking whatever I feel like cooking, or not cooking at all;
Spending a lot less money on groceries as Man is basically a bottomless pit (and still has a six pack, damn him);
No cleaning up anyone’s mess but my own;
No more holding in farts;
Little laundry to do – since Man owes only 7 pairs of boxer shorts, laundry has to be done at least once a week – whereas with the size and content of my wardrobe I can easily get away with once a month;
Keeping the relationship fresh – when we do get to talk to each other it’s not about groceries/logistics, but about how much we miss each other, how much we care for each other – talks about fun stuff and sweet jazz;
The ultimate test – if we can get through this period together, the relationship can probably withstand anything and everything – ultimately we will spend almost as much time apart in his initial training period as we have been together;
Staying absolutely madly in love with each other – absence makes the heart grow fonder;
Learning to enjoy the little things in life – really appreciating a card, a spontaneously sent selfie (FYI: I have a thing for alliteration), some kind words on the phone, a compliment and anything else that I perhaps would have taken for granted normally;
Man will be wearing a uniform – ’nuff said;
Cementing the relationship – spending this time apart really means we think the relationship / the other person is worth it. We will come to realize how much we mean to each other and in the end we can only come out of this stronger, with a commitment that is as strong and deep as it is rare;
Giving my social life a boost – more time for friends;
The perfect incentive to finally start working on my dream career as a trainer;
A stable income (making nr 15 possible);
And more time for hobbies. I am thinking of taking up sheep herding, stamp collecting, medieval reenactments or knitting scarves for giraffes. Or perhaps I will just stick with my actual passions: list-making, hiking, power-lifting, yoga, writing, reading, hiking, wine drinking and riding my motorcycle (though the last two obviously not combined);
In the long run: every three years we will get reposted and get to explore a different part of this stunning country in affordable defence housing;
PUPPY!!! Man promised to get me a puppy from the shelter so I would be a little less lonely when he leaves for his year of training and future deployments;
No more holding in farts – I feel this is such a massive pro that I need to list it twice.
CONS:
I will actually have to start vacuum cleaning – the only things in this world I hate more than vacuum cleaning are bigots, magpies, alcohol free wine and decaf coffee (I mean, what’s the point?!). Man lured me into this relationship with the promise I would never in my life have to vacuum clean again – damn him;
I will have to start making my own breakfasts – Man always spoils me with culinary creations such as portobello’s with scrambled eggs and wilted spinach in the mornings;
Man and I will have to live apart for a year (perhaps this con should have been number one in the list, but I really, really dislike vacuum cleaning);
Having to third wheel our coupled friends;
There will be deployments coming up;
They will suck;
There will be loneliness and sadness;
There will a lack of physical contact, no sex for months, no cuddles (not particularly in that order);
I won’t be able to migrate back to the Netherlands where my family and very best friends are → massive con!
Alright, let’s finish this off by doing the maths: 21 pros, 9 cons. Good stuff. I think we might just be on the right track here… If you’re still going on that tea, will you take a minute and see if you can come up with any more pros or cons? Whether your a Mipa (military partner) or not, I would greatly value your additions in the comment section below ;). And then go pour yourself another rum tea, you deserve it. I’ll join you.
The original lists:
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